The Big Black Ass Mega Masturbator

The Big Black Ass Mega Masturbator - She'll Ruin Real Women For You

You've been scrolling for hours looking at asses you'll never touch. Stop torturing yourself.

This isn't some disappointing piece of rubber that feels like a medical glove. This is 20 pounds of soft, realistic perfection engineered to make you question why you ever bothered with dating apps.

What makes grown men hide this in a locked safe:

The cheeks are so realistic your brain will literally forget you're not grabbing the real thing. We've had customers apologize to it after finishing.

Fanta flesh material that actually warms to body temperature - not that cold, dead feeling that reminds you of your ex's personality.

The entry point is designed by people who clearly have PHDs in ass anatomy. Tight enough to make you finish in record time, realistic enough to make you feel like a champion.

Slap those cheeks and watch them jiggle like you just scored the winning touchdown. The recoil is chef's kiss.

The part nobody mentions but everyone thinks about:

This thing is heavy. 20 pounds of pure temptation. Which means it stays exactly where you put it while you work your magic. No awkward readjustments. No disappointment. Just you and physics creating the perfect moment.

After the fun:

Flip her over, hit it with toy cleaner and warm water, and she's ready for round two. Or store her away under the bed where your roommate will definitely find her and ask zero questions because he knows what's up.

Our Guarantee:

If this doesn't become your new favorite hobby, we'll refund your money and send you a formal apology letter for wasting your time. But based on our customer testimonials, you'll be writing US thank you notes.

Real testimonial we can't make up: "I named mine Destiny. My productivity at work has decreased by 40% but my happiness has increased by 1000%. Worth it." - Marcus, 34

FAQ:

Q: Will this ruin real women for me? A: That's between you and your therapist.

Q: How do I explain this to my girlfriend? A: You don't. This is for single kings building empires who don't have time for complications.

Q: Is 20 pounds too heavy? A: Brother, you're about to get the workout of your life. Consider it cross-training.

Washing: Hot soapy water and toy cleaner
Colour: Black
Weight: 20 lbs of life-changing decisions
Warranty: Your satisfaction or your money back. We're that confident.

Add to cart before your brain talks you out of happiness.